Kindle
Before I was married, one of the many young men I dated was a radio disk jockey.
Just a word to the wise, moms: If your daughter wants to date a dj, just say NO. I was a dj, too, so I got to know many of them. Let’s just leave it that they are a special breed who dance to a very different tune and who are more familiar with brash and bravado than care and caution.
That being said, here is my cautionary tale and the lessons I learned.
BF (confidently) – Let’s go sailing today!
Me (doubtfully) – Do you know how to sail?
BF (brazenly) – Oh, yes. I’ve done it many times before. Let’s go!
And so began an adventure for which I was thoroughly unprepared.
With the mid-day sunshine streaming through the windows and puffy white clouds dotting the way, BF and I jumped into the car and headed for the lake.
Upon arrival, we rented a sailboat.
Just like that. No quiz, no questions, no asking about real world experience.
Dressed only in my t-shirt, shorts, sneakers, and carrying nothing, I had traveled light.
The vendor shoved a life-vest into my hands, and I dutifully put it on.
What else in the world would I need?
I padded across the deck, blissfully excited and obviously unencumbered by how sailing was actually done, grabbed BF’s outstretched hand and climbed aboard.
BF fumbled a bit with the gear and ropes, and my joy began to turn to doubt as he struggled to get the craft smoothly underway.
Eventually he turned the sail to catch the brisk breeze, and off we went.
The further away we got from our starting point, however, the darker the sky became.
The billowy clouds stretched and flattened, becoming an ominous gray sheet over the sun.
The spirited winds turned intimidating, slapping hard against the side of the boat.
And then the cold, hard, rain poured down, drenching our clothes.
I was suddenly chilled to the bone, and it wasn’t due to the turn in the weather:
Whatever skills BF thought he had, he didn’t have.
The sailboat rocked and tilted at a precarious angle, water splashing across the deck, once so steeply the tips of the sails almost kissed the white caps.
As I hung on with all the strength I could muster and watched BF struggle to keep the boat upright, I realized he wasn’t wearing a safety vest.
Oh, good golly.
If he went into the lake, there was no way I could pilot the boat back to safety.
To my huge relief, somehow we did make it back.
We dragged our soaking selves off the boat and back to the car, where I proceded to turn the heat on high, my cold shoulder on freezing, and my conversation on mute.
For years, I wondered how we made it back to the dock in one piece.
I don’t know if I have ever felt less in control or been so afraid of dying.
I know now without a doubt, God was with us, both to keep me from drowning and also from whacking BF with my squishy wet shoes, yelling, “WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!”
This may come as a shock, but our relationship went under that day and never recovered.
The great news is that God plants opportunities for joyful growth everywhere,
even in places that appear too wild or barren to possibly support them.
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1. Be willing to try new things, but be safe and be smart. Yes. I still strongly encourage moving out of your comfort zone, in spite of my many fails over the years. Use wisdom. Take a class. Hire a coach. Go volunteer. Work with someone who can safely launch you into a new activity.
2. You only fail if you don’t get back up. I could have stayed away from the water forever, but what fun is that? Fast forward years later to when we bought kayaks for our Inn. My hubbie and I took a half-day lesson so we could safely paddle around the multiple water bodies in our area. We now enjoy fishing and photographing together from land and from calm waters.
3. Set your goals high enough so they scare you, or at least make you really nervous. When we took our kayak lessons, the instructor asked us our goals. I said I wanted to come back from the river trip alive. Oh, and to keep my sneakers dry.
4. Put things in their proper perspective by looking back from the future. Sometimes we need the benefit of time and distance for us to view an idea without the distortion of fear. Remember the stress of learning our abc’s, how to ride a bike, and how to drive? We look back now, and the majority of the time our worries were groundless, and kept us from the new and interesting.
5. Choose to leap into something new with a buddy for encouragement. My husband and I wanted to improve our communication skills, and believed Toastmasters would provide the right environment for us. We joined about six months ago and have been delighted. Not only do we get together with other like-minded folks once a week, but we have also been able to help each other grow in our speaking ability.
6. Stretch your comfort zone to create more breathing room. Are you familiar with that quote about a mind being stretched and never going back to its original size? The more you challenge yourself, the more that scary things will morph into the ordinary. The good news is that your range—your space to joyfully and reasonably comfortably particpate in life—will increase from a postage stamp lot to a thousand acre field!
7. Closing the door on one chapter—a quaint euphemism for failing—means another begins. As I noted, my relationship ended with BF soon after our boating fiasco. My roommate later took me out on the town because I was moping about being single again. Guess who I met that night? 
Ultimately our attitudes will shape our perspective before, during, and especially after each voyage and will determine our ability to find joy in the journey.
Throughout, we will change what we can, accept what we can’t, and be open to leaving familiar shores for what lies beyond!
Questions: What potentially negative event has happened to you that you have been able to turn happily around into an opportunity for personal growth? Which of the above lessons resonate the most with you, either that you’ve experienced or want to experience?
Sharing with NOBH, Happy Wives Club, Finding Heaven
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